


i wish that we could be like that (why can't we be like that?)

by thisisaltea (orphan_account)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Based on Animatic, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Blade of Marmora Keith (Voltron), Cuban Lance (Voltron), GIVE ME SOME KEITH LOVE, Galra Keith (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Heavy Angst, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Insecure Keith (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Keith (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith (Voltron)-centric, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Korean Keith (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Orphan Keith (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), The other characters are only briefly mentioned, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, keith dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-31 01:06:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13964046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/thisisaltea
Summary: "Enough Keith!" Lance yelled. "I don't understand you! Every time I think we're doing fine in this relationship, orwhateverthis is between us, you turn around saying that I will never love you! Guess what, maybe I never will!"Furiously ignoring the tears threatening to spill out, Keith launched himself forward at Lance, arm out. "I don't think you get it Lance! Fuck you! Maybe I say those things becauseno onehas ever loved me before! I have the right to be worried! All those foster families, even mymomdidn't love me! And now look at me! I'mGalra,Lance! I'm a monster!Soyeah, fuck you. You're so annoying! Why can't you get it!"Lance snatched Keith's fist and pushed it away. "I hate you," he growled. "I don't want to see you, go away, okay? Just... leave me alone. Urgh!"Lance remembers leaving Keith alone after that. And he could never forget the words Keith had uttered under his breath as he retreated. "I wish I could hate you too..."Or, Keith needs help and love.





	i wish that we could be like that (why can't we be like that?)

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a klance animatic by Jmem Drawings on Youtube to the song "Secret Love Song" by Little Mix ft. Jason Derulo. Good song. Reposted because the first time I completely forgot a summary whoops. Unbetaed and unedited because I crave death.

_Dear Lance,_

_I guess I'm gone with the Blade now... and I know I said this before, but I just want to mention it again, and I'm really really sorry for what happened ~~with our relationship~~ between us. I wish I could have gotten the chance to say more. But Lance, I just want you to know one thing- I love you. And I'm sorry I never got to say it before. Despite the arguments, the judgement, the hurting- the fact that we thought love couldn't exist between us. But uh, I guess if you find this, it means that I'm dead? I don't know when that's gonna happen, but with the Blade, it's knowledge or death. ~~I knew this was gonna happen, I should have known better.~~ Just, when you get back to Earth, smile at the stars for me? Okay?_

_Love,_

_Keith._

* * *

 

_When you hold me in the street, and you kiss me on the dance floor._

Keith has fleeting memories of hands, one pale and slender, the other dark and smooth, laced together under the dim lights of the castleship late at night. He remembers the barely there kisses, mouths not quite touching; the feeling was almost too much, he recalls, and he hadn't been able to keep the pink from his cheeks.

 

 

 

 

> _"C'mere," Lance said, leaning in closer to Keith. Keith began to panic and leaned back._
> 
> _"Lance, Lance, what are you doing?" His voice was but a whisper, fragile and hoarse._ He's just tricking you _, his mind told him_. He couldn't ever like someone like you.
> 
> _Then Lance's lips were_ right there _, pressing into Keith's, and Keith suddenly felt_ warmth. _Happiness, for the first time in a long time._
> 
> This will not last, _the voice reminded._ Don't think that anyone ever sticks around for you.

_I wish that it could be like that. Why can't we be like that? Cause I'm yours._

He also remembers watching tall figures retreating, and being left alone, head hanging forward, casting shadows over his features. He had given so much into his relationship with Lance, but it seemed like he never got anything back in return. He remembers wishing that he and Lance could have just left all the arguments behind, and just act _normal_ and _love_ each other. Why was that so hard?

 

 

 

 

> _"Hey girl," Keith watched as Lance sidled up to the alien girl. She was pretty, Keith had to admit, with delicate blonde hair and blue eyes. (Just like Lance's.) "Are you wearing space pants? Cause your body is out of this world."_
> 
> _Keith began to feel more and more depressed as Lance added his signature smirk and hair flip, and as the girl giggled._
> 
> _He remembers watching them walk off, arm in arm, and Shiro appearing at his shoulder. "Are you okay?"  
>  _
> 
> _"Yes, just... I'm fine." (He was not fine.)_

_We keep behind closed doors. Every time I see you I die a little more._

And he remembers pushing up on his toes to steal a kiss. Those are good memories. He also has bad ones. What always hurt the most was having to watch Lance flirt with countless other girls, and not even guys no less? So where did that leave Keith? Stuck behind, watching and hurting? The fact that he didn't even mean anything to Lance had a bigger impact than he thought it would. _He doesn't love me anymore_ , he remembers thinking. And that dark voice in the back of his head told him, _And he never did._

 

 

 

 

> _Keith couldn't breathe, and no one was around to help him._ Where was Lance _, he wondered._ Lance, Lance, Lance. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I know you didn't mean it.
> 
> _Panic attacks are always hardest when you're alone._

_Stolen moments we steal as the curtain falls. It'll never be enough._

_Why can't I be enough?_ Keith remembers these words hitting him, a brute force to his chest, a hurt that had hurt more than anything before, even more than those countless foster families, even his parents _leaving him_. _Maybe no one really does love me? Is that why I left for the Blade?_ Well it was part of it, but Keith could never forget the look on Lance's face as he suggested he leave the team. (Keith could never forget that, never ever.) There was a hole in his heart where Lance used to be, _a Lance-sized hole_ , he muses.

_It's obvious your're meant for me. Every piece of you, it fits perfectly._

The memory comes back almost as if he is reliving it...

 

 

 

 

> _Keith remembers the exact moment he fell in love, watching Lance talk of his family. Arms wide open, gesticulating, a bright sheen in those blue, blue eyes. It was almost comical really, as it was. Keith felt like Cupid's arrow had pierced his heart, and he hadn't been able to tear his eyes off the smiling, beautiful Cuban boy._
> 
> Shit, I'm **gay** _, he had thought, watching Lance laugh. (Beautifully. Everything Lance did was beautiful.) The revelation was enough to paint his cheeks in a crimson blush._ Fuck, I love him.
> 
> _When Lance noticed the stare, he smirked then said, "Aww, were you staring at me?" Keith had turned around forcefully, gritting his teeth and trying to hide his blush._
> 
> _"No," he had said, emphatically._
> 
> _Keith and Lance both knew the truth, and that was enough._

_Every second, every thought, I'm in so deep. But I'll never show it on my face._

Keith remembers hurtful words, thrown back and forth between the members of Team Voltron, most directed at him. But above everything else was the voice in his head. And why couldn't those voice JUST STOP.

 

 

 

 

> _"Lance doesn't like you!"_
> 
> _"He's faking it."_
> 
> _"He's not GAY."_
> 
> _"Stop your feelings."_
> 
> _"You don't have a chance."_
> 
> _Keith had taken their comments, every single one of them, to heart._ _And why shouldn't he? He knows they are right._

_But we know this, we've got a love that is homeless..._

By now, the feeling of tears dribbling down his chin is so familiar, Keith doesn't try to stop it. Just the memories are enough to start him crying right over again. _Look at me, so pathetic_. The tears threaten to spill over again, and Keith furiously scrubs at them with what little energy has remaining. But yet, they fall. No point in stopping them now...

_Why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor? I wish that it could be like that._

 

 

 

 

> _When he had tried to touch Lance's hand, the other instantly recoiled. Disgust. The emotion showing on his face. "Don't touch me!" he hissed._
> 
> _Keith took his hand back apologetically, fighting to keep a straight face, but as soon as the other was gone, he let the tears fall. (Again. And it wouldn't be the last time.)_

 

_Why can't we be like that? Cause I'm yours..._

* * *

This letter brings back to many emotions, too many memories for Lance to keep track of, and he almost wants to tear it into pieces right then and there. But something stops him. a voice reminding him that he _at least_ owes this to Keith. _I wish I could bring him back... Keith, I love you, idiota._

_When you're with him, do you call his name. Like when you do when you're with me, does it feel the same?_

Lance is sorry for every mean thing he's ever said about Shiro.

 

 

 

> _Lance knew his jealousy was unwarranted, but that didn't stop him. It was obvious to everyone else that Keith and Shiro had a bond, a bond between brothers, more than anything else._
> 
> _And Lance had been too blind to see that._
> 
> _Looking back, it was probably his mind deceiving him. But whenever Keith called his name, it somehow felt more empty than every other time he had called for Shiro._

Jealousy, Lance remembers. Unwarranted.

 

_Would you leave if I was ready to settle down? Or would you play it safe and stay?_

Between the both of them, Lance had always known he was the hopeless romantic.

 

 

 

> _"Keith! Keith wait!" Lance's voice echoed down the mostly empty hallway. He ran forward, and grabbed Keith's wrist before the man could snatch it back._
> 
> _When Keith turned around, Lance decided that he had never seen anyone more beautiful in his life. "Stay?" he asked, trying to make his voice gentle._
> 
> _He watched as Keith's eyes filled with a sadness, deeper than Lance could fathom. Something here was beyond not wanting to be a leader._
> 
> _"I'm sorry," Keith had whispered, in a scratchy voice. He took his hand back carefully, and plodded down the hall to the escape pods, not looking back once. (Lance almost went after him again, but his feet were glued down and he couldn't help but just stand and stare.)_

 

_Boy you know this, we've got a love that is homeless._

Tears are running down his cheeks now, flowing faster, and Lance tries not to get the note wet. (When this is all he has left of Keith).

 

 

> _Lance ignored his teammates as they continued to yell at him and Keith. He was fine taking this all in stride, it wasn't like it was the_ first _time this had happened. He might have been okay, but Keith certainly wasn't._
> 
> _The last shred of hope Lance had hoped to find in Keith's eyes was gone, and the rest of him was shattered in pieces. He looked terrible. Lance wanted to say something, anything, to defend him, but he couldn't speak (again)._
> 
> _Keith shrunk further into himself, defeated, moreso than Lance had ever seen._

He remembers, that after that, he had pushed himself away from Keith. And although it hurt to see the pain in the Red Paladin's purple eyes, he shouldered it and told himself it was for the best.

 

 

> _"You know, we had a bonding moment," Lance goaded, pushing himself further into Keith's personal space. It was meant to be a joke, Lance trying to convince the Red Paladin to do his assigned chores for him. It was intended to make Keith laugh, but it had the opposite fact._
> 
> _Keith had turned away, gaze lowering to the ground, but not before Lance caught the disappointment in his expression._

* * *

 

_Why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor? I wish that it could be like that. Why can't we be like that? Cause I'm yours._

In the end, it was both their faults, maybe more Lance's. But that didn't matter at this point. Right now, what mattered was that Keith was _dead_ and Lance would never _ever_ be able to see him ever again. He wouldn't be able to see those purple-blue-black galaxy eyes, those pink lips and cheeks, soft pale skin, a fondly named "mullet." He wouldn't ever see the smile that, so rare, lit up Lance's universe. He would never hear the sound of his talking, arguing, his laugh, his singing, his humming. The loss, it hit Lance all at once, and suddenly, another flood of memories came rushing back. _I'm so sorry Keith..._

 

 

> _"Enough Keith!" Lance yelled. "I don't understand you! Every time I think we're doing fine in this relationship, or_ whatever _this is between us, you turn around saying that I will never love you! Guess what, maybe I never will!"_
> 
> _Furiously ignoring the tears threatening to spill out, Keith launched himself forward at Lance, arm out. "I don't think you get it Lance! Fuck you! Maybe I say those things because_ no one _has ever loved me before! I have the right to be worried! All those foster families, even my_ mom _didn't love me! And now look at me! I'm_ Galra, _Lance! I'm a monster!_ So _yeah, fuck you. You're so annoying! Why can't you get it!"_
> 
> _Lance snatched Keith's fist and pushed it away. "I hate you," he growled. "I don't want to see you, go away, okay? Just... leave me alone. Urgh!"_
> 
> _Lance remembers leaving Keith alone after that. And he could never forget the words Keith had uttered under his breath as he retreated. "I wish I could hate you too..."_

 

_And nobody knows I'm in love with someone's baby. I don't wanna hide us away.Tell the world about the love we making. I'm living for that day. Someday...._

Lance wishes he had done more to save Keith, anything. Maybe he shouldn't have flirted Allura all those times. Maybe he should have been open with Keith about sharing their relationship. Maybe he shouldn't have ignored all of those bonding moments.

Lance knows of the moments right before their last battle. _Keith told me he loved me, even without the note, before he_ , he inhales a choking breath, finally admitting it to himself, _died. And I didn't say it back._ And thought is probably the most scary.

 

 

> _Lance walked away towards Red's hangar to go suit up, but a voice behind him yelled and he stopped. "Wait!" Keith yelled, reaching for Lance's shoulder. Lance turned around to face him._
> 
> _"What do you want." He watched as Keith fell to his knees, the tears already coming, as if what he was about to say physically pained him._
> 
> _The voice that comes out of Keith is barely above a whisper, and Lance has to strain to hear it. "Lance, I love you..."_
> 
> _Lance, dumbfounded, reached up and delicately wiped away Keith's tears, even though he was crying now too. "I'm so sorry..."_
> 
> _"I wish that we could be like that. Why can't we be like that?" Keith choked out, voice full of emotion. "I'm yours..."_
> 
> _And that's all it takes. Overwhelmed, Lance grabbed Keith and pulled him into a hug, burying his face into Keith's neck. "Sh, it's okay, it's okay," he whispered into soft, soft black hair. Keith was frozen in place, tears still falling. Then suddenly, Lance felt him bury his head into his shoulder, and everything now was... okay. And Lance realized, for the first time,_ I _love_ him.
> 
> _Now they were both sobbing, tears and happiness and everything in between closing the gap that previously existed between them. And as they stood up, Keith laughs, and Lance couldn't help but think,_ he's beautiful.
> 
> _Laughing and crying, they spun in circles, simply reveling in the comfort of each other, and refusing to let go._
> 
> _"Keith," Lance said, "I hate to ruin the moment, but we have to go now."_
> 
> _"Okay," Keith gently detached himself from Lance and moved away. "See you later?" he asked, hesitancy coating his voice._
> 
> _Lance laughed, because nervous Keith was just too adorable. "Definitely. See you samurai."_
> 
> _It was only after he was safely in Red that he realized he had never told Keith "I love you" back. He had time, though. (Or so he thought)._

 

_Oh, why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor? I wish that it could be like that. Why can't it be like that? Cause I'm yours. Why can't I say that I'm in love? I wanna shout it from the rooftops. I wish that it could be like that. Why can't we be like that? Cause I'm yours._

And now, the memories of Keith's dying moments will haunt him forever, and Lance _doesn't_ want to relive them. He _doesn't_ want to relive the way he had sobbed, pulling Keith's limp form closer and telling him it was going to be okay, sh, someone will put you in a pod. He doesn't want to remember the way Keith had told him to Lance, please shut up, pressing a gentle kiss on the hand stroking through his blood-soaked hair. He doesn't want to remember feeling helpless as he shouted, someone, anyone please come and help us. He doesn't want to remember Keith's dying words as Lance, I love you, or the fact that he _never_ got to _say it back_.

But these things, these memories, never really disappear. They stay in the back of your mind, and Lance couldn't help but relive it, each step on the way back to the castleship.

He doesn't want to remember how Hunk had said in a shaking voice, Lance come here, Keith left something for you here. And Lance almost wanted to say, take it back, I don't want it, but he knew he would regret it, and takes it anyway. He doesn't want to remember the letter getting harder and harder to read as memories flooded back to him. And he hates he ever made Keith feel those horrible things.

_"I cradled you in my arms..."_

* * *

Lance doesn't want to let go.

He knows that Keith is there, somewhere in the back of his mind.

_"Take your time, my love," Keith had said._

Lance has responsibilities. He is a Paladin of Voltron, he is meant to protect the universe and those who cannot protect themselves. He is supposed to be able to save people, not _let them die_ in his _arms_. Lance doesn't realize he had punched the wall till his knuckles stung and scratches littered the protruding bones.

_If Keith were here_ , he thinks, closing his eyes _, things would be different._ His eyes snap open. So different.

_I miss him so much..._ Red's voice joins with his in tandem, and together they mourn.

Lance gets to go home soon. Back to Earth. But is it really home with the person in space he had truly come to love?

_Move on, move on_ , his mind is telling him, in a voice that sounds suspiciously like Keith's.

He doesn't want to.

He has to.

* * *

He does eventually, but not in the way he thought he would. Keith still exists with him everywhere he goes, and Lance can't help but feel guilty every time he wakes without Keith by his side. _He should be here. But Keith had said no one would care for his return on Earth. It was heartbreaking._

Lance does what the note tells him. He smiles at the sky, every day, as if hoping some semblance of Keith, some form, a ghost or spirit, will join him on the shore of Varadero Beach.

Tonight is the anniversary of Keith's death. It's been a year. He smiles at the night sky, the same purple-blue-black of Keith's eyes that Lance loves.

"I love you, mi amor" he whispers.

This time, he thinks he hears Keith say it back. It is but a whisper.

_I love you Lance. Do not be sorry. Take your time, my love._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm really sad that Keith's problems aren't getting addressed? He needs MENTAL HELP GUYS. I love Lance so much but enough with the Langst guys Keith is being ignored now? PEOPLE WHERE ARE YOU TO SUPPORT MY BB. Check this out:http://stumbling-while-balancing.tumblr.com/post/166370818338/yall-im-back-and-about-to-be-really
> 
> My Tumblr is @starrcaster and don't be afraid to hmu I am desperate for attention and followers.


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